I ADMIRED YOU

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I admired you
I looked to you for guidance
I fell for you
Over and over again
And
I thought you loved me too

I have you my body
My heart
My soul
But you threw them away
You took everything away
And left me to rot in my shell

Hearing those words
from your mouth
Hurt more than a
Blade of a dagger
Piercing my heart !!

I hate you for making me love you
I hate you for leaving
And
I hate you for not being there for me

You left me all alone
With no reason why
Or an explanation

For years I have shunned
Every guy I meet
Who comes around my life
No relationships because
I still loved you
The one guy I found to replace you
I didn’t want anymore

I single handedly
Buried my emotions so deep
Not even I can dig myself out
My heart broke
Ripped out in anger and hate

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WITHOUT YOU

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Without you
I just sit around
Wasting my life
But
When we were together
Every minute felt too
Important to waste
I tried to be the best person
I can for you
I tried to make you feel special
I did everything in my power
To make you happy
And give you all what you ever wanted

And all I got in return was
Heartache and pain
And a heart so black
Not even the colour could match
the most deepest parts of the ocean
Unseen by the human eye !!

Regaine For Men

Regaine

Well I finally bit the bullet and started a hair care regime for my god awful hair loss problem it has been 16days so far of using the product it takes up to 8weeks to show any loss of hair or growth and up to 16weeks for signs of the product working

I downloaded the app and its a very good app you can record on it pictures for hair growth over the stages of the treatment and gives you hints and tips for your life in general

I just hope it works or I think the baldness will start to kick in more and will be bald before I’m 30 which is really really soon and not looking forward to the idea of it !!

Little Grey Hair

Little grey hair

OMG it’s finally happened let it be know that today of all days
I found my first grey hair in my head
It freaked me out and it was a long one and the most
Silly part is I pulled it out
It’s not like I have that many hairs left on my head

It’s very depressing

It might sound crazy !!

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It might sound crazy

I know this sounds really crazy but I lay there night after night watching all these films and I think to myself the struggle and lives that people lead
I watched a film called
prayers for bobby
and it really puts things into perspective for life in general I never really had anyone to talk to properly about being gay
There are millions of people out there all in the same boat and having someone to talk to and listen to you can really make a difference
I never really talk to people about my life is it because I’m scared to maybe but there are so many ways out there for people too and I fel like I need to do something bout it
I journal my life and write every feeling and emotion I feel down for people to look back on in the years to come
I don’t try and maybe that is my weakness
Why is it so wrong ??
It’s not I think but
I don’t take the time out to do anything about it
I just can’t seem to get a focus on anything and why cause I never had anything to focus on
being wrapped up on others things life
work
and friends
I have missed the biggest part of my life
I am approaching 30 this year and have nothing to look back on and think that I made any real contribution to the world in any way shape or form and there are people out there fighting everyday
Whether it being
human rights
The right to marry
The right to be with the one you love
But in an unforgiving world it is an up hill struggle ?

Staying in most nights is probably not good for you or socialising with people gay people like myself has kept me sheltered
is it the scaredness of a person enough to make things better ?

I Suppose blogging everyday is a good way but if no one reads or hears about it then what is a person to do ?
pack up and move away run and hide from problems or doing something about it
as I write this I have all the best intentions of trying to do better for myself but I know that within a couple of days or weeks it will be a forgotten piece of writing drifting about in the ether somewhere

Where is the logic in that ??