I admired you
I looked to you for guidance
I fell for you
Over and over again
I thought you loved me too

I have you my body
My heart
My soul
But you threw them away
You took everything away
And left me to rot in my shell

Hearing those words
from your mouth
Hurt more than a
Blade of a dagger
Piercing my heart !!

I hate you for making me love you
I hate you for leaving
I hate you for not being there for me

You left me all alone
With no reason why
Or an explanation

For years I have shunned
Every guy I meet
Who comes around my life
No relationships because
I still loved you
The one guy I found to replace you
I didn’t want anymore

I single handedly
Buried my emotions so deep
Not even I can dig myself out
My heart broke
Ripped out in anger and hate




Without you
I just sit around
Wasting my life
When we were together
Every minute felt too
Important to waste
I tried to be the best person
I can for you
I tried to make you feel special
I did everything in my power
To make you happy
And give you all what you ever wanted

And all I got in return was
Heartache and pain
And a heart so black
Not even the colour could match
the most deepest parts of the ocean
Unseen by the human eye !!

What Is L-O-V-E ?

What is L-O-V-E

I love bus journeys a lot of people don’t
But it gives me time to reflect on things
And think a lot
With just my earphones in and my trusty iPhone
I seem to come up with some of my philosophical moments

Question of the day ?

What is love ?

What’s is love ?
Have you ever experienced it ?
What does it feel like ?
How do you know ?
Who can tell you ?

You here these cheesy stories of people
Who say that it was
Love at first sight but

What is love at first sight ?

I can safely say that in my 30 years on this planet
I don’t think that I have ever really experienced true love
I love my family as most people do
And I love my friends but
I don’t think I have ever been with that one person
That made my heart skip a beat
Or made me feel like a better person inside
Or whatever love is meant to make u feel and do
When your in love they say that you just know !!

Know what ?…….. Fill in blank here ……..

Any way I promised I would write more blogs so here is today’s one
If any one an help me find the answers then let me know !!


Give You What You Like


Please wrap your
drunken arms around me
And I’ll let you call me yours tonight
Cause slightly broken’s
just what I need

And if you give me what I want
Then I’ll give you what you like
Please tell me
I’m your one and only
Or lie
and say at least tonight

I’ve got a brand new cure for lonely
And if you give me what I want
Then I’ll give you what you like

When you turn off the lights
I get stars in my eyes
Is this love?
Maybe someday
So don’t turn on the lights
I’ll give you what you like
Emotions aren’t that hard to borrow
When love’s a word
you’ve never learned

And in a room of empty bottles
If you don’t give me what I want
Then you’ll get what you deserve

When you turn off the lights
I get stars in my eyes
Is this love?
Maybe someday
I’ve got this scene in my head
I’m not sure how it ends
Is it love?
Maybe one day
So don’t turn on the lights
I’ll give you what you like
I’ll give you what you like
I’ll give you one last chance to hold me
If you give me one last cigarette
By now it’s early in the morning
Now that I gave you what you want
All I want is to forget
When you turn off the lights
I get stars in my eyes
Is this love?
Maybe someday
I’ve got this scene in my head
I’m not sure how it ends
Is it love?
Maybe one day
So don’t turn on the lights
I’ll give you what you like.


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Date night 2 / My life in a week #part3


Well this week has been a interesting week with 3 dates with different guys meeting up with lots of loads friends
Long story short brothers bday lots of booze seeing old friends
Met up for lunch on the Sunday and ended up,walking round the local reservoir for 1 3/4 miles after a full dinner was tiring and knackering but a really nice day

Would love to write more but am totally wasted ona saturday night will write a proper blog entry tomoz night !!!

Let’s just say its gonna be a doozie !!! Lol

Date Night


Date night !!

Well as promised
my fellow bloggers
last night was date night again
If u remember from my last blog
I said I had a date
with a guy that I
had been chatting too
and he seemed really down to earth and normal was guess what
He was !!


I picked a nice quiet
Wednesday evening
the sun was shining
I had a good feeling about this one

I met him at the train station and we went into town for a drink
The south street shuffle
As it is known to the locals
we only had 3 drinks
in different places
but is was a really nice evening
I couldn’t believe it
No awkward moments
No repeating of subjects

So what do you do for work
What do you do in ur spare time
Blah blah blah

It’s was really nice
We chatted about so
Many things from school
To people we knew
He is from Leeds
His name is Simon
He teaches violin to kids
ages 5-19yrs old
And I am seeing him again on Sunday

Date night number 2 is confirmed

so the evening finished
and I walked him bk
to the train station
in where there was a
very long and out if the blue kiss
in the street
a little forward for
the first date but
it felt nice and right
I got home and waited till
He messages me
I know there is protocol
For things like this
But he did message me so
I sent him one bk
Like most people
I held bk a bit of my personality
It’s better in small doses
He is younger than me
And I have been out longer
Than he has he didn’t fully
Come out until a couple of years ago

And he said not everyone knows he is out but that’s fine with me
I can be reserved and act straight
90% of the time !!! Lol

But to summarise it was
a Nice time and looking forward to Sunday to see if it is the same feeling again

My Life In The Last Week

My life in the last week

Well another sad but interesting week in the life of me
work has been a chore this week
the sun has been hot
and about 27 degrees all week
and more of it NXT week

Any way if u enjoy my blog
please let me know
so I keep on writing them or not

Side bar why is it that when u talk to guys on the phone by txt or app that its fun and you have lots to talk about
and when u actually meet in person
it’s such an awkward silence
for the first few minutes
when u meet in person

Any way
the quest for love in my life
goes on
this week I had 2 dates

I was a but reluctant to go on them after the fiasco of the last few dates
but I persevered
and went on them
and too my surprise
I think I have started to
weed out the weirdos and the freaks
and meet some genuine people

Well they seem to be at first glance

I have been chatting
with a guy called Simon
for 2 weeks
and he seems like a really nice guy
and gonna be meeting up
with him next week at some point
and see how that gets on
but this week on Saturday
I met up with a guy called Steve
First lie
His name was stefan
And he was from Transylvania
No joke
For real
He works in Brighton in hospital as a nurse he seem really nice
but he was a bit camp for me
and a bit skinny and
very very opinionated
which is not good
he sounded more Spanish than anything else
I joked and asked him
if he knew Dracula
It didn’t go down too well
We met for a coffee on the seafront
and chatted for an hour
then walked into town
I’ve not heard from him since

Oh well no loss there

2nd date was today in Sunday so I am writing about it now so I don’t forget it as I am working all night this evening
Today was Ben or
Dj Cozmo as he calls himself
It’s a bit cliche
and don’t get the wrong idea
about it but he is the Dj
of the local gay club at home
I don’t go in there
I met him on Grindr
So I take a stroll along the seafront
to meet up with him
where he is with his family
on the beach having a picnic
but to my knowledge

I had a bleeding toe
I bought some new plymsols bad mistake too small for my feet

I continue
so he met me on the seafront
and we sat on a bench
and chatted for a while
it was quite uncomfortable and akward we had been chatting
all night by txt and I was going to go meet him after I finished work
but I flaked out and just went home

Oh how a picture on a profile can’t do some people justice
He was nothing like his profile pic at least I am my profile pic
I might not be pretty
but at least it’s me !!
If people don’t like it
they can just move on
So low and behold
I had an excuse in my toe to get out
I said I had a piece of glass in my foot and had to go to the shop and get some plasters for my foot
so we chatted for a bit more
and I made my excuses and left
same as before probably never to return to the scene of the crime

I keep doing this to myself
but I stick with it
there will be some one out there for me plus it makes good reading for my blog and for people to have a little laugh
as I’m sure there are people
who read this that might have been in the same situations as I have

This is real life people

The only good thing is it is Brighton pride in a couple of weeks
3 days of drunken debourchry
which I’m sure will get a few good stories out if to write about



Worthless Son Of A Bitch !


Worthless Son Of A Bitch !

I used to be fun
and exciting
Ask anyone I know
But since I was punched in the heart
i have been seen many a time
laying winded on the floor
by a worthless son of a bitch
Who only cared about himself
And no one else

He who punched it that hard
bruised my life and my thoughts on love and moving on in the future.

3 and a half years of my life wasted
by a worthless son of a bitch
Who doesn’t even realise what he has done
Cost me thousands of pounds
And he lost a business
which we had together
and not one but 2 homes owned
Oh well more fool him
its his loss not mine !!