Growing Old But Not So Graceful

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Growing Old But Not So Graceful

Well it’s 2:46am and yet again
due to over sleeping during the day
I now lay Awake again pondering life
I just watched the film 21 and over and it makes me wonder
what I have missed out on in life !!

Probably not a lot cause
I have a lot of life experiences that certainly compare with more than what some people have done in their life time but I still wonder what I have missed out on

I don’t know whether its because Hollywood glam lives up
and I’m pretty sure most stories are true
but I’m sure if they made a movie of my life experiences
I don’t think it would be a best seller but I’m sure it would get a few laughs along the way
I know I have and I’m sure my friends would say the same, and the people that have been in my life !!

But anyway back
to my mid life crisis

I call this blog title
growing old but not so graceful

And it’s true
I’m getting older and I’m 30 this year and I say it all the time but as the date approaches it seems to daunt on me more and more and weighs me down a little bit each day as the big day grows nearer
I’m single
I’m 29
I’m gay
I have a good job
I own a house
And had my own business for 3yrs
But yet I still feel so blah !!
I sit and wAtch
Fictional people in TV and films and look at them as if they relate to my life but in no way shape or form it does but I still do
Is this the culture and the society we live in that we compare our lives to people on the screens we watch on a daily basis

Is anyone’s lives really that out there and as far reached as advertised

I’m a coward
And afraid
To stand up for what I believe in
I fixate on men who are not my type
Well I like them but them not me
I sleep with guys
Well I say I do but actually not that frequently
And when I do it’s always with a friend that I have known for ages
And then we don’t speak for a while
and the stupid thing is
I really like him
and it wasn’t until this week
that I found out he is engaged to a girl

Shocker !!!

What the fuck
It’s like I’m chuck from the film good luck chuck
Everyone I cool around with seem to meet the person they are destined to be with after they have been with me and I am destined to be alone or get hit on by guys over 40, or that one really wierd guy that everyone knows but is never right for you

Is it because I have high standards
No it isn’t
I have been with every type of guy and girl
(before I came out)
that u could imagine
I have scrapped the barrel too too many times
All the good guys are either taken or straight !!

So my mid life crisis continues and where do I go from here
If anyone has any advice or a single friend that they think I would like then Please leave a comment for me !!

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