Worthless Son Of A Bitch !

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Worthless Son Of A Bitch !

I used to be fun
and exciting
Ask anyone I know
But since I was punched in the heart
i have been seen many a time
laying winded on the floor
by a worthless son of a bitch
Who only cared about himself
And no one else

He who punched it that hard
bruised my life and my thoughts on love and moving on in the future.

3 and a half years of my life wasted
by a worthless son of a bitch
Who doesn’t even realise what he has done
Cost me thousands of pounds
And he lost a business
which we had together
and not one but 2 homes owned
Oh well more fool him
its his loss not mine !!

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Clapham Junction

Clapham Junction

I downloaded a channel 4 mini program called Clapham Junction it was a very interesting program following the lives of modern men and boys in London !!

It’s the hottest summer in London on record

It is very dark and
very different for channel 4
there is one scene
that is very disturbing
where a guy takes another guy home then hits him over the head
with an ashtray
gives him a kicking
then pisses on him !!

Different !

Then there is lots of other stories that don’t make any spence but hope that they all link up

There are Percy old men hooking up in toilets and a young boy not speaking but wanking over half naked men through windows with binoculars

Lots of random stories

All the first 3 stories are finally linking together they are all in a garden in a party and they all meet for the first time

Ah finally he speaks
The school boy has now gone over to the man he is stalking
And now in his flat
Talking with him

And then there is the married couple who on there wedding day
one if the grooms
is fucking a waiter
and snorting coke
in the back room
while the other is dancing away !!
Once he fucked the waiter
he puts his wedding ring
and a note in his pocket

Cut to the waiter getting chased by 2 thugs across the common
A scream is heard in the garden from the common
I’m guessing its from the guy being chased by the thugs
The people in the garden hear it

Now it’s bk to the first guy who is now talking to some random guy on a park bench in the common what will he do now !!

He chats up the old bloke on the bench but gets cut down by the sounds of screaming from the bushes

Cut to the waiter lying on the floor covered in blood the first guy finds the ring and takes it from him leaving him on the floor !!

The people in the garden see the flashing lights outside there house to find him being carted of in an ambulance

The married couple now sit on a bench over looking London

Well it’s safe to say that
it’s defiantly a must see
just to get ur head around all the stories

The school boy is really
freaking me out now
he has now invited himself
into the mans flat
and he is talking to him
about him wanking over him,
his eyes are slightly off centre
which when close up
look even more crazy

The young boy is now making out with the man and a single tear rolls down his cheek
now the dinner party people are saying how the guy he is stalking
is a kiddie fiddler
and that his flat got fire bombed !!
The young boy is taking Down his trousers and sucking him off !!

The dinner party is getting very heated and one couple wants to leave
let them not be knowing
that it is there son who is the stalker
and the pedo that are having sex doggy style on all fours in the front room oh god and he is only 14 !!

What does happen on the common at night
and how all the people
who ever they are from all walks of life how there stories intertwine but they don’t even know it !!

Low and behold the 2 guys flashing at each other in the public toilets are now sat across the dinner table from each other dodgy glances and all

So the parents get bk from dinner and she sees her son from his stalking window getting dressed after shagging the pedo
held in each others arms
They kiss each other while the parents climb the stairs knocking on doors to find their son

The confrontation of the mother and the pedo is intense the light in the hall keeps going on and off she keeps flicking it bk on its quite funny mid rant

Cut to the NXT morning one half of the married couple awakes from sleep alone
The birds are chirping
Cut to the a slab in the morgue a dead corpse beaten black and blue died during the night

A violin plays in the background each little sub section of story looking bk on there parts of the story last night

Cut to Alfie sat on the bench chatting to another fellow in the common but it’s day light now

Oh how the story unfolds Alfie now with the wedding ring on lies beaten on a hospital bed and the doctor walks into the room and its only the groom from the wedding

He lied to his husband about the ring
The final scene ends in a underground passage way with a smashed violin being rained on the owner was a small coloured boy who was the cook of the dinner party

I think that is called poetic justice !!

My Life In The Last Week 2

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My life in the last week !!

Well it has been a while since I last wrote a post
so I thought as its Sunday and the end of the week
I would say what is on my mind
Normally I have some amazing crazy stories
but alas for I have nothing left in the tank this week
For I am a man that has less fortitude
rather than a man of the world this week

the week started of very quiet
work has been really boring
Tuesday was a good day
a good friend came round for beers and a BBQ
our weekly routine we do it every week
stay up late till 2am in the garden under the gazebo
a few candles and some music drinking and dancing
Oh plus throwing a garden fork around
The garden like a trident held like Neptune
The god of the sea
I forgot about that

The more I am writing and trying to think of stuff to write and now I’m actually thinking that I have no more to write

So Friday came around and I did some gardening
and then headed out to Brighton for the evening
8 of my best mates out for dinner and drinks

cut to midnight full of chinese food 15 bottles of red wine
singing well out of key and awful
in a sleazy underground room of a Chinese restaurant
in a mini karaoke room
it was a bit dodgy at first cause they wouldnt let us leave
but we left in the end
otherwise I would prob still be there now

So now it’s Sunday
I have done my usual Social media things
and now I have just checked Grindr and am chatting
to someone under the name of SHARK lame arse title name

But still he wants to meet up for a drink with him now so
At least that I will have something good
to write about next week
and knowing me I’m sure it would be fun packed
and exciting with fun and details of another drastic evening
Maybe one day I will catch a break !!!

The Only Exception

My Life Written In A Song

The Only Exception

When I was younger
I saw my daddy cry
And curse at the wind.
He broke his own heart
and I watched
As he tried to reassemble it.

And my momma swore
That she would
never let herself forget.
And that was the day that I promised
I’d never sing of love
if it does not exist.

But darling,
You are the only exception.
You are the only exception.
You are the only exception.
You are the only exception.

Maybe I know somewhere
Deep in my soul
That love never lasts.
And we’ve got to find other ways
To make it alone.
Or keep a straight face.
And I’ve always lived like this
Keeping at comfortable distance.
And up until now I’ve sworn to myself
That I’m content with loneliness.

Because none of it was ever worth the risk.

Well you are the only exception.
You are the only exception.
You are the only exception.
You are the only exception.

I’ve got a tight grip on reality,
But I can’t let go
of what’s in front of me here.
I know you’re leaving in the morning
When you wake up.
Leave me with some kind of proof
it’s not a dream.

You are the only exception

And I’m on my way to believing.
Oh, and I’m on my way to believing.

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Growing Old But Not So Graceful

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Growing Old But Not So Graceful

Well it’s 2:46am and yet again
due to over sleeping during the day
I now lay Awake again pondering life
I just watched the film 21 and over and it makes me wonder
what I have missed out on in life !!

Probably not a lot cause
I have a lot of life experiences that certainly compare with more than what some people have done in their life time but I still wonder what I have missed out on

I don’t know whether its because Hollywood glam lives up
and I’m pretty sure most stories are true
but I’m sure if they made a movie of my life experiences
I don’t think it would be a best seller but I’m sure it would get a few laughs along the way
I know I have and I’m sure my friends would say the same, and the people that have been in my life !!

But anyway back
to my mid life crisis

I call this blog title
growing old but not so graceful

And it’s true
I’m getting older and I’m 30 this year and I say it all the time but as the date approaches it seems to daunt on me more and more and weighs me down a little bit each day as the big day grows nearer
I’m single
I’m 29
I’m gay
I have a good job
I own a house
And had my own business for 3yrs
But yet I still feel so blah !!
I sit and wAtch
Fictional people in TV and films and look at them as if they relate to my life but in no way shape or form it does but I still do
Is this the culture and the society we live in that we compare our lives to people on the screens we watch on a daily basis

Is anyone’s lives really that out there and as far reached as advertised

I’m a coward
And afraid
To stand up for what I believe in
I fixate on men who are not my type
Well I like them but them not me
I sleep with guys
Well I say I do but actually not that frequently
And when I do it’s always with a friend that I have known for ages
And then we don’t speak for a while
and the stupid thing is
I really like him
and it wasn’t until this week
that I found out he is engaged to a girl

Shocker !!!

What the fuck
It’s like I’m chuck from the film good luck chuck
Everyone I cool around with seem to meet the person they are destined to be with after they have been with me and I am destined to be alone or get hit on by guys over 40, or that one really wierd guy that everyone knows but is never right for you

Is it because I have high standards
No it isn’t
I have been with every type of guy and girl
(before I came out)
that u could imagine
I have scrapped the barrel too too many times
All the good guys are either taken or straight !!

So my mid life crisis continues and where do I go from here
If anyone has any advice or a single friend that they think I would like then Please leave a comment for me !!